April Fools Advice on Finding Your Home Builder or Remodeler

You want your home built fast and cheap, so why go by a proven process for the biggest purchase you will ever make?*

  • If the builder/remodeler has been in business for less than a year…  GO FOR IT! They are probably going to give you a great deal and the experience they receive will really help them out on building their second or third home. Consider it a learning experience for you and the builder. How else will they learn how to build a house properly? Let them experiment on YOU!
  • Don’t look at their BBB rating. If they have a BBB rating of under a B they are probably just really busy and have not taken the time to fight ALL the complaints. In addition, a bad BBB rating will only increase your odds that they will goof up real badly and you can file a lawsuit after your home catches fire or crumbles to the ground.
  • No need for workers compensation and general liability. This is a waste of money and they will probably only charge you more if they do have workers compensation. Don’t worry that you may end up being liable if there is a work related injury. An ER visit for incompetent workers with nail guns couldn’t be that expensive. What are the odds anyway, right?
  • Don’t ask for names of previous customers. This is not only a waste of time, but nobody is ever honest about their building experience and it is really annoying to those customers that have had a good experience with their builder. Everyone is out for themselves and do not want to help out those that have treated them well.
  • DO NOT ask if you can see the builder/remodelers work. Checking for quality of workmanship and materials is the last thing you have time to do. You will know after a few years if the workmanship and materials are substandard and you can ask them to rebuild your house for free. There is a lemon law on poorly built homes, isn’t there?
  • Don’t try to communicate with your builder. They are busy and don’t have time for you. Just let them do their job and only speak to them when spoken to. Communication is overrated with technology today. Expect only short text messages from a quality builder and if he or she is harsh and does not listen to you, they are just making sure your home will be built to your needs.
  • Whatever you do, do not get a complete and clearly written contract. The contract only benefits THE BUILDER. How could it benefit you? Quality builders don’t supply a home warranty and homeowners manual, so don’t even ask for one. This is just plain ridiculous, so we won’t say any more.
  • If you are getting bids and one is a lot lower than the other builders – you just hit a gold mine. Don’t hesitate, take a chance and go with the lowest bid and worry about the problems later. If the builder/remodeler is unable to pay for the materials and labor as the project proceeds, this is an indication that they are frugal and really know how to watch out for your best interests and your dollar. Keep in mind that less expensive ALWAYS means a better deal!
  • Last, but not least, if you ask family, friends or coworkers for recommendations you are only being a pest. Furthermore, if you visit the HBA Home Show, HBA Home Remodeling Show or tour the HBA Parade of Homes you are once again wasting time and money. Talking and meeting with Quality Insured Home Professionals is hogwash. They will not take the time to talk with you since they paid good money to be in the show and many of their competitors will be there as well, so you have to wonder if they are all working together. Trust your conspiracy theory feelings. They all probably work for a secret government agency. Shhhhhhh, you didn’t hear this from us.

Bottom line is to not be fooled by an inexperienced home builder. If you follow any of the “fake advice” above, you are most definitely an APRIL FOOL 🙂

*NOTICE: This post is satire!

noun
noun: satire
  1. the use of humor, irony, exaggeration, or ridicule to expose and criticize people’s stupidity or vices, particularly in the context of contemporary politics and other topical issues.

Happy April Fools Day Everyone!!!